My son recently asked me what I do all day Thursday – (my coaching day)...
He wanted to know what “Bold Life Coaching” meant in my world.
And it got me thinking about all the clients I serve and what we actually ACCOMPLISH together
So I sat down to describe for you what we do.
In short: “I coach people into their boldest lives.”
1. I start by gleaning YOUR VISION OF YOUR IDEAL LIFE. What is it you REALLY want – beneath the surface. Beneath what psychologists call “the presenting problem.” And identify the goals you’re holding that feel just beyond your current edge.
2. We craft a rough outline of an outer plan to get there.
3. Then the real fun begins – tapping into your reserves of courage and boldly start taking the tactical and strategic steps to get there.
That’s why I call it “Bold Life Coaching.”
So you can finally get what is most important to you - what is PROFOUNDLY CALLING YOU.
But you’ve got to be bold in order to make it happen.
Put more it more accurately. - you GET to be bold in order to make it happen.
Here’s a breakdown of some of what I’ve been doing with my clients recently.
I HELP YOU DIE
IN every hero's journey, the hero dies so he or she can be reborn into their next evolution - the powerful being who can take on the dragon of life.
Luke Skywalker in the trash compactor in the "death" star. Frodo gets pierced through the heart.
Chances are you're stuck in the past in some way - clinging on to old idea of who you are and what's possible for you.
Well, to attain your new empowered self, somethin's gotta die within in you - certain attachments, maybe, ego, a constricting relationships, a job that's murdering your heart.
What do I do?
I help you figure out what needs to die inside you so that you can finally LIVE! I make heroes.
*********
I HELP HEAL AND REPLACE SH*TTY PARENTING / MENTORING FROM YOUR PAST
Not everyone’s parents are picture-perfect, calm and loving Norman Rockwell avatars.
Mothers over-control. Fathers abuse. Bad mentors lead you astray.
I had one client, a young man, whose father was absent and weak.
And so he turned to an arrogant take-what-you-can-from-others “internet dating guru” as a surrogate father.
The guy’s narcissistic rants made him great at picking up low-esteem women – but ruined him for relationships.
“I don’t know how to connect with a woman,” he said to me, “once I meet them.”
Interestingly, Neil Strauss said the exact same thing at the end of his book, The Game: “Pick up ruined me for relationship.”
So with men who have trouble connecting with women, I teach them how to first come to love and accept themselves and then how to hold as precious the hearts of the women they meet.
I teach them to ask deep questions about women’s inner lives and to share their own inner reality, without the snark and masks.
To demonstrate the truth that Brene Brown so eloquently shows us that VULNERABILITY, honestly communicated, is what truly bonds us.
I teach them to appreciate outer beauty but to connect it to women’s inner beauty – to compliment not on eye color or hair, but how she lights up when she expresses love with another person, talks about her family or otherwise connects with her own wells of love and joy.
What do I do?
I coach people into their wholeness so they can encounter others a whole, as well.
*******************
I OPEN DOORS INTO POSSIBILITY
“No, no, I don’t do joy. I am very even-keeled.”
That’s an example from one of my clients who came to because he was worried his life was going to pass by without love.
And a classic example of how we often turn our fears into supposed virtues.
So I got him to “track his joys” during the day – any variation at all from the mean.
That was my second practice for him once I got him to consider the possibility that his “belief system” was a prison he had built for himself.
The deeper we got, as I ran him through exercises where we had him detail out “ideal days” on a trip to Europe, and that cracked him open even further.
Almost all of us LIMIT ourselves and our possibilities because we created belief systems when we were small, powerless, dependent and scared.
We change but our beliefs don’t – until you BOLDLY confront them. Challenge them.
And then make the decision to replace them with more empowering beliefs.
What do I do?
I coach people out of sneaky disempowering beliefs into empower ones.
*************
I GIVE LIFE TO CATS!
Most of my clients are held back by fears.
Some conscious. Some unconscious.
Some given to them as gifts by their families or religions. Some made up all by themselves.
The first thing I do with your fears is to get really curious about your assumptions behind the fears...
... so that YOU get really curious about your assumptions.
Because most of our fears are 100% unfounded as fears.
One of my mentors was a very brilliant ex-US Marine double-PhD Rabbi. He said that everybody needs an “abrasive mirror” – someone who reflects us back to ourselves but at the same time operates like “sandpaper.” Refining us. Helping us smooth out our rough spots, bumps, scars.
I mirror you back and refine, reframe and open possibilities as we go.
And I do it with the eyes of nothing but 100% support for your best life.
It’s an amazing gift to have.
Parents, friends, kids, colleagues, girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses – they often bring their own agenda to you. Unlike them, I have no personal investment in anyone’s success of but your own.
So I get to have the privilege of bringing pure human empathy, love, support and belief in your power to change their lives.
They say curiosity kills the cat.
Maybe.
You know what else it does?
It births lions of courage.
What do I do?
I help lions of courage get born.
************
I CONNECT YOU WITH LOVE - YOUR INNER CAPACITY AND WITH THOSE WHO INSPIRE YOU
Many men and women come to me because they can’t “find” the woman/man of their dreams.
They are sick of online dating. Of flakes. Of believing that GREAT partners are out of reach.
Or out of their league.
This is a big part of my service – and it’s a two part job.
First, we excavate your inner world and optimize your deep attractiveness to a high quality partner.
Second, we reframe how you communicate - online, offline, in person and to yourself.
So that both you and the people you want to get “get” why you’d be a “win” in their life.
And that you show up as a such a clear win that they also rise to their best to meet you there.
You don’t “find” love.
You INSPIRE love.
What do I do?
I show all the ways you can inspire love in exactly the level of partner you want.
**********
I HELP YOU ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT ON LIFE - CLEANLY, VOCALLY, BOLDLY
One of the most damaging legacies bad parents can leave is to create the “nice guy” or “nice girl” syndrome.
This is where you subordinate your desires, pleasures and sense of meaning to other people in the unspoken hope/expectation that they will reciprocate and love you back.
What actually happens is that your submissiveness attracts narcissists who DON’T do that. And then you build up resentments because you never get what you need.
What do I do? I teach you how to ask for what you want in life CLEANLY and BOLDLY.
Without self-deprecation, without apology, without excuses.
So you can finally live the live that YOU choose to live based on your values – as long as you respect the essential needs and dignity of others.
Recently, I was coaching a magnificent woman – lovely – statuesque, smart, huge-hearted, kind – and some guy on the internet made an appointment to speak t 7 but when 7 passed, she waited and then eventually texted him. “Oh, I’m watching the baseball game.” He said. “Can you talk now?” It was 7:20.
Well, she did talk to him and she agreed to go out with him the next night (I only found out later!). Before she went, I coached her to tell him how that felt to her – and – if for some reason she ever wanted to see him again – to be sure to keep his agreements and honor them.
And to order a damned expensive dinner.
What do I do?
I teach you to set BOUNDARIES on your self-respect and to ask for what you need in life. And if I find out too late – to order the lobster.
I do many other things with my clients...
**
I HELP YOU FORGIVE AND MOVE PAST HURT
I love this part.
Because there are techniques that WORK.
People will do what they do – and you can be free from the hurt you have experienced from them in the past. So you can create the future you want.
Moving forward resiliently is a learned SKILL.
**
I OPEN WELLS OF LOVE
We often block ourselves in our ability to love without holding back.
Because we’re scared of being hurt.
Because we don’t want to look “weak.”
Because we’ve been burned.
Because we didn’t ever really see that modeled at home.
But all of us – ALL of us – are infinite wells of love – and for those willing to play this infinite game, whole new lives of joy, fulfillment and freedom away.
What do I do?
I help you open up those wells and let all that pent-up love flow cleanly - all that desire to connect, to cuddle, to trust, to be trusted, to overcome the illusion of isolation and separateness.
And of course to help you find and cultivate the kind of people who will return love back to you.
**************
I HELP YOU RECEIVE LOVE (SO YOU CAN GIVE IT)
If you didn’t get the love you wanted as a kid, chances are you didn’t develop “receptors” to catch love when it comes your way.
So you may miss it when ti’s offered.
Or take it for granted.
Or not believe it’s real.
And I these ways you squander this most precious and nourishing human experience.
Yes, I teach you how to offer love – but I also teach you how to receive it.
So the flow can grow.
What do I do?
I help you embody the love that you actually are, so that you can experience love as it actually is.
*******
So much of what you think is real is just a bunch of stories in your head.
I HELP YOU TELL A BETTER STORY OF YOUR LIFE.
And therefore...
HELP YOU LIVE A BETTER STORY IN YOUR LIFE!
If you feel called to live your BOLDEST life and attain what you really, truly, finally, powerfully, profoundly desire...
Ping me below or...
Write me in detail what you want to achieve at IAmAdamGilad@gmail.com.
If you are serious, but genuinely serious, let’s talk about getting you there.
